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Sarah Woren

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Creative, intelligent, clever, humorous, dedicated, fun seeking kind a gal.
Low motivation but high fun factor!
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Music leads to dancing. . . and dancing to touching!
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Inventions for the lazy

Just when I thought I'de seen every stupid invention known to man . . .  turns out I was wrong. 
 
Enjoy!

Taurus the Tramp

TAURUS: The Tramp

Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long
relationships.=] Likes to give a good fight for what they
want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ........ Loves to help people in
Times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality.
Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will
Ever meet!
One of a kind. Not one to #### with.
Are the most sexiest People on earth!
 
. . . That's me!

How to speak about women and be politically correct


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY
INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT! ! ! " - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE

When Girls Drink too much . . .

 
 
WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

 1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD
AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING
WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.


3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK
SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE
COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE
NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER
THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE
THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
  6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN
EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY
GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE
GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME
REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE
CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST
LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE
GIN.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS
STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR.
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN
WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S
THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING  PROBLEMS
WALKING STRAIGHT.

Cats . . . and their musical tastes

Music types categorized by dancing cats . . . I LOVE IT! Techno cat, Stoner rock cat, Stevie Wonder Cat, Metal cats, house cat, hip-hop cat and iCat , can you tell which is which? Which cat are you . . .

Vodka: The secret super booze!

Who  knew!!!!

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The
solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a
trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five
minutes and wash clean.
The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean
cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and
kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting
your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving.  The vodka
disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to
cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth
of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to
kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer
bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or
black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender
flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the
sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply
the tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and
back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the
urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth Allow your gums to absorb
some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me.
I've only been drinking the stuff!!!

Magic Mushrooms: Friend. . . not Foe?!

Mushroom drug creates mystical experience: study

Last Updated Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:23:01 EDT

The Associated Press

People who took an illegal drug made from mushrooms reported profound mystical experiences that led to behaviour changes lasting for weeks — all part of an experiment that recalls the psychedelic '60s.

Many of the 36 volunteers rated their reaction to a single dose of the drug, called psilocybin, as one of the most meaningful or spiritually significant experiences of their lives. Some compared it to the birth of a child or the death of a parent.

Such comments "just seemed unbelievable," said Roland Griffiths of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore, the study's lead author.

But don't try this at home, he warned. "Absolutely don't."

Almost a third of the research participants found the drug experience frightening even in the very controlled setting. That suggests people experimenting with the illicit drug on their own could be harmed, Griffiths said.

Viewed by some as a landmark, the study is one of the few rigorous looks in the past 40 years at a hallucinogen's effects. The researchers suggest the drug someday may help drug addicts kick their habit or aid terminally ill patients struggling with anxiety and depression.

Beneficial behaviour changes 

It may also provide a way to study what happens in the brain during intense spiritual experiences, the scientists said.

Funded in part by the U.S. government, the research was published online Tuesday by the journal Psychopharmacology.

Psilocybin has been used for centuries in religious practices and its ability to produce a mystical experience is no surprise. But the new work demonstrates it more clearly than before, Griffiths said.

Even two months after taking the drug, pronounced SILL-oh-SY-bin, most volunteers said the experience had changed them in beneficial ways, such as making them more compassionate, loving, optimistic and patient. Family members and friends said they noticed a difference, too.

Charles Schuster, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at Wayne State University and a former director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, called the work a landmark.

"I believe this is one of the most rigorously well-controlled studies ever done" to evaluate psilocybin or similar substances for their potential to increase self-awareness and a sense of spirituality, he said. He did not participate in the research.

Psilocybin, like LSD or mescaline, is one of a class of drugs called hallucinogens or psychedelics. While they have been studied by scientists in the past, research was largely shut down after widespread recreational abuse of the drugs during the 1960s, Griffiths said. Some work resumed in the 1990s.

"We've lost 40 years of (potential) research experience with this whole class of compounds," he said. Now, with modern-day scientific methods, "I think it's time to pick up this research field."

Inward focus

The study volunteers had an average age of 46, had never used hallucinogens and participated to some degree in religious or spiritual activities like prayer, meditation, discussion groups or religious services.

Each tried psilocybin during one visit to the lab and the stimulant methylphenidate (better known as Ritalin) on one or two other visits. Only six of the volunteers knew when they were getting psilocybin.

Each visit lasted eight hours. The volunteers lay on a couch in a living-room-like setting, wearing an eye mask and listening to classical music. They were encouraged to focus their attention inward.

Psilocybin's effects lasted for up to six hours, Griffiths said. Twenty-two of the 36 volunteers reported having a "complete" mystical experience, compared to four of those getting methylphenidate.

That experience included such things as a sense of pure awareness and a merging with ultimate reality, a transcendence of time and space, a feeling of sacredness or awe, and deeply felt positive mood like joy, peace and love. People say "they can't possibly put it into words," Griffiths said.

Two months later, 24 of the participants filled out a questionnaire. Two-thirds called their reaction to psilocybin one of the five top most meaningful experiences of their lives. On another measure, one-third called it the most spiritually significant experience of their lives, with another 40 per cent ranking it in the top five.

About 80 per cent said that because of the psilocybin experience, they still had a sense of well-being or life satisfaction that was raised either "moderately" or "very much."

BJ's: What you need to know! (Hilarious)

BLOW JOBS: What you NEED to know
 
 
WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT 

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. M y ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I
heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really
WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't
feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have
sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school
girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone
with my
Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to
be repeated in the future. 

12. If you like how we do it, it's probabl y best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy
that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get
blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate
to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have
to "kiss it good morning." 
                           
WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we
will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean
anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is
the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days,
you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we
get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, th en you don't have to worry about getting any
on your face, now will you?

 

 


More funny Pictures!

I have found the next best thing compared to my beloved stick man pictures . . . at last . . . more funny shit that makes me laugh - so I knew I had to share them 
Check out the randomness of the hilarity I have posted below!. . .
 
 

Turning the Page

Well, another chapter in the book that is my life is complete.  With year one of my Journalism Program completed with flying colors - I have now found myself on the Dean's list with a 3.88 GPA with no desire to continue in the program. 
 Isn't life ironic . . . apparently I found my educational calling but the bitter-sweet truth is that journalism is not the career path for me.  It's not that I dislike the profession, infact, I quite enjoyed learning about the world and many other things that the program offered but that's the clencher - I love to learn about the craft but I don't want to be the one to go out and get the story. 
However, all is not lost. 
Besides the learning experience I also met a group of really cool fun people - who I will miss and am sad to leave.  But the reality is I can't stick it out in a program for the people I meet (even though I had considered it) I have to be in a program that satisfies my future goals and dreams.
One important thing I did discover though was my love for design!  Ofcourse I have always known creativity and design were a forte of mine - but I have never considered pursuing a career in a field where I can create and design for a living. 
After learning how to make a web page and creating newsletters, magazines layouts,business cards and the like I came to the realization that a career in Electronic Publishing was infact the path I was meant to follow.
So, as a result, I finally decided to go with my gut instinct and apply for the Electronic Publishing Program at Mount Royal.  I have been accepted for the fall semester and grow increasingly excited with each day - I think I finally found my thing and I can't wait to get started.
After a bit of a hectic year so far - I can only hope for new start and good things to come from this point on; Im taking my head out of the past and looking to the future and it feels pretty promising

9 things I hate about everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone


1. People who point at their wrist
while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where
the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the
toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get
off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because
they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

 3 When people say "Oh you just
want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is
cake if you can't eat it?

 4 When people say "it's always the
last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep
looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are
they? Gonna Kick their asses!

 5 When people say while watching a
film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the
cinema and stare at the damn floor.
 6 People who ask "Can I ask you a
question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya
sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and
improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been
anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have
been something before it, couldn't be new.

 8 When people say "life is short".
What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?

 9 When you are waiting for the bus
and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I
be standing here, dumbass?

Where does Graffiti Belong?

The current exhibit, Painting under Pressure: A look at Graffiti which is being shown being shown at the Art Gallery of Calgary, located at 117 - 8 Ave. S.W., has succeeded in bringing the colorful street art of Graffiti indoors.

 

Local artist, Mandi Carter, is excited to see this kind of exhibit in a Calgary museum and says that legal wall space needs to be made available in the city for graffiti artists to practice and display their art.

 

“People need to express them selves freely and a creative mind can do so in many ways. As an artist I simply feel that if an area were available, a lot of positive aspects could come of it.” Said Carter.

 

The purpose of the exhibit, which consists of eight pieces created by some of Canada’s top graffiti artists, is to provide skilled and artistic pieces to the public for closer examination.

 

The primary goal is to educate people about the facts and history of graffiti as an artistic endeavor and form of expression as oppose to an illegal act.

 

Carter suggests that perhaps the problem of the illegal writing of graffiti on city and private property wouldn’t be such an issue if the city made some wall space available for local graffiti artists to practice and display their work.

 

Just as studios are made available for the practice of conventional art forms, the same space could be made available for graffiti artists to work.

 

“It would be good to just have a place to portray our, emotions and feelings -political or non-political opinions- either way you look at it, it’s expressions in an art form.” Said Carter.

 

After researching the possible availability of a program such as this in the city, the only program I found that offers legal wall space to aspiring artists is called Urban Youth Worx but there’s a catch . . . or two.

 

The first catch is in the name, Youth Urban Worx, the maximum age to join this program is 19, and this therefore excludes artists in their twenties and up.

 

The second catch, ironically enough, is that the Urban Youth Worx program was developed by the city as an anti-graffiti campaign.

 

This program was developed as an effort to appeal to young artists who, instead of writing graffiti illegally on private property, can practice their art in a “positive” way by joining this group and painting murals on pre-approved walls and buildings around Calgary.

 

City of Calgary graffiti management co-coordinator, Karen Hirl says that the Urban Youth Worx is the only alternative that will be made available to graffiti artists.

 

When asked about making free walls in the city available, Hirl dismissed the idea saying that if it starts with one wall it will only spread on to more walls when all the free wall space is full.

 

 

 

So basically, to sum it up, if graffiti artists want to express themselves legally- joining Youth Worx to paint on city property is the only way they’re going to be able to do it.

 

If graffiti artists are caught in the act painting on public property without permission, they will be fined a steep fee that can reach up to as high as $5000 dollars.

 

But I have to ask- what’s the big deal with having walls around the city to showcase raw talent and artistic skill anyway? 

According to the city of Calgary Website the problem is this “graffiti is vandalism, and therefore a crime.  Graffiti is not art; it is the defacing of property without consent from the property owner.”

In the minds of city officials, graffiti is simply vandalism and no form of art, but did they ever stop to think that the main form of “art” that they allow to be displayed on city streets, in the opinion of some, is another form of vandalism?

 

Advertisements are all over the cities, in my opinion polluting our youth’s minds with ideologies, negative and or unhealthy images or unnecessary materials.” Says carter.

 

“They are consuming our streets and are only there to represent or promote something, which is often only a means to making money; what ever happen to having a city with Character? Or just plain old being different?” she asks.

 

Clearly a debate that is going to take some time to settle, the question is where does graffiti belong.

 

Under bridges or on city walls- is it an art form or just straight vandalism?  Only you can make the decision for your self.

 

The exhibit, Painting under Pressure is meant just for that- open since December 10, 2005 and on display until May 21, 2006, it is the perfect opportunity to get a look at good graffiti up close. 

 

Amongst the pieces, created in the Gallery especially for this show, are other artifacts and informational tools meant to help the average Joe better understand graffiti and decide where it has a place in Calgary.

 

But as Mandi Carter says “it is unfortunate that those of us who are true graffiti Muralists have to set our selves apart from those who don’t understand the meaning of freedom of expression and an opinion expressed as an art form.”

 

 

Stick Men do the darnest things!

These little stick man cartoons are hilarious!   I enjoyed them so much that I had to share them. . . enjoy:)
 
Just click on the picture to see the bigger version

Giving Hope One Animal at a Time

 Giving Hope - One Animal at a time
 
By Sarah Woren

 

 Just seven to eight weeks old when they were picked up and saved from freezing to death in a rural area outside of Calgary, Shepherd Cross siblings Brando, Cash and their sister Diva are now three months old and doing great.

 With the loving care of their foster mother Jody Kardash, an experienced volunteer foster with the Animal Rescue Foundation, these three well-behaved puppies are growing into healthy, happy dogs.

Opening her home to foster dogs for over a year now and already on her twentieth litter of pups, Jody says “it’s hard work . . . but it’s worth it.”

 Brando, Cash and Diva are just three of the 2725 dogs that have been rescued so far by the Animal Rescue Foundation and given another chance at life.

The Animal Rescue Foundation (ARF) may be the smallest animal rescue organization here in Calgary but one thing’s for sure, it has the biggest heart.

The specific mission of the good people at ARF is to rescue stray and abandoned cats and dogs from Alberta’s rural areas and get them into loving homes.

A process that begins with the rescue of and rehabilitation of an animal - in most cases ends with a lucky pet living a happy life with a loving family,

The pending placement of an animal relies on its physical and mental condition upon its rescue, “Where they go depends on the state they’re when they’re picked up, some are in pretty bad shape” said Janyce Rideout, a member on the Board of Directors for ARF.

In the case of Crash, a puppy that found was severely injured and left for dead in a ditch, help came just in time.  Suffering a fractured skull, which has caused blindness in his right eye, deafness in is right ear and some brain damage, Crash now occasionally experiences seizures due to scarring on his brain and he will be on medication for the rest of his life.  However, despite the sad beginning to Crash’s life, he has been adopted and his owners say he has grown into a loving and happy dog that is doing very well.

An animal in need of emergency medical attention will be taken to a veterinarian where it will stay until it is ready to be moved to a foster home - where it will remain temporarily until it is adopted. 

Animals that are in good condition will be placed in a holding home, a short-term stop where animals are cleaned up and tested for any medical problems.

Once an animal is evaluated and receives a clean bill of health, it is assigned to a foster home where it receives its shots and is spayed or neutered while it is cared for as it awaits adoption.

Foster homes are the main reason for the success of ARF, unable to afford a main facility in which to house rescued cats and dogs, ARF completely relies on foster homes as havens to keep and care for the animals.

Unfortunately, the number of foster homes available for these animals is minimal; with only 25 homes reserved for dogs and 22 for cats Rideout said “there’s not enough, we definitely need more foster homes.”

Out of the small number of foster homes, the amount of homes active at one time ends up being even less because as Rideout said “we make foster homes take breaks between animals for family time and if they have other pets or else volunteers burn out.”

When the time for adoption comes, prospective adopters are required to take 24 hours to think about adopting after they have applied over the phone in a process that takes about half an hour.

The next step involves two visits with the pet, one at the foster home and one at the adopter’s home -with at least 24 hours separating each visit.

Taking into consideration the chemistry between animal and adopter as well as the required living conditions in the potential home, the foster then decides whether or not the adoption will take place.

“It’s a long process but it’s necessary to make sure the animals go to the right homes.” said Rideout.

The cost of adoption is $180.00 for dogs and $120.00 for cats, this cost pays for the animal’s first shots, spaying or neutering, and licensing for dogs; cats do not yet require licensing.

Started in July 1995 as a charitable organization, ARF today still remains a registered non-profit charity run completely by volunteers whose primary concern is the welfare of the animals.

ARF’s success heavily relies on charitable funding received from corporate and private donations as well as fundraising done throughout the year including annual calendar sales and other charitable events.

The annual budget for ARF is based on the amount of donations received yearly and fluctuates accordingly; last year’s budget alone was $35,000. 

Fortunately, the proceeds raised by the sale of ARF’s popular annual calendar contribute to the budget, last year’s sales brought in $3300 towards the cause.

All of the funds raised are used to pay for the costs of vet care as well as the cost of food and medical care incurred while the animals are cared for in foster homes.

ARF also welcomes donations of kennels/crates (particularly large ones), dog/cat beds, scratching posts, puppy pens, cat litter and boxes, dog and cat food treats, a digital camera, dog houses, blankets, towels; go to http://www.arf.ab.ca/  for more information on how to send in or drop of donations.
ARF is always looking for and is in serious need of people interested in opening their homes to fostering rescued animals.

If you would like to become a foster, the application process is not difficult; you can either call 403 243 1910 or check out fostering.dogs@arf.ab.ca or fostering.cats@arf.ab.ca for more information.

If you are interested in volunteering your time or any other services you can go to volunteering@arf.ab.ca to fill out an application; all that is required is a few references and a little spare time that, in the end will make a big difference.

Ever wonder what scientology is all about? read this, it will blow your mind.

Okay, so if you are like me, you have no idea what the religion of Scientology is all about.. . but hey, if all the stars are believing it (Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley, John Travolta. . . to name a few) then there's got to be something spectacular about it, right?
 Well, after learning more about this religion during a class discussion I found out that "spectacular" isn't the word; a more fitting description might be MORONIC and UNBELIEVABLE. . . Below I have included a basic run down of the religion that so many people actually believe, trust me, it's worth the read. . . It will blow your mind !
 
 
 

Who is Xenu?

 

I’m going to tell you a story. Are you sitting comfortably? Right, then I’ll begin.

 

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

 

Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were over-populated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

 

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

 

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

 

The story doesn’t end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a “thetan” in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

 

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called “implanting”.

 

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

 

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

 

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called “body thetans”. And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these “body thetans” and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.

 

Well what did you think of that story?

 

What? You thought it was a stupid story?

 

Well so do we. Unfortunately this stupid story is the core belief in the religion known as Scientology.* If people knew about this story then most people would never get involved in it. This story is told to you when you reach one of their secret levels called OT III. After that you are supposed to telepathically communicate with these body thetans to make them go away. You have to pay a lot of money to get to this level and do this (or you have to work very hard for the organisation on extremely low pay for many years).

 

We are telling you this story as a warning. If you become involved with Scientology then we would like you to do so with your eyes open and fully aware of the sort of material it contains.

 Most of the Scientologists that work in their Dianetics* centres and so called “Churches” of Scientology do not know this story since they are not allowed to hear it until they reach the secret “upper” levels of Scientology. It may take them many years before they reach this level if they ever do. The ones who do know it are forced to keep it a secret and not tell it to those people who are joining   Scientology.

 

Part of the first page of the secret OT III document in L. Ron Hubbard’s own handwriting.

 

 www.xenu.net

 

Now you have read this you know their big secret. Don’t let us put you off joining though.

 

ISN'T THAT FUCKED UP?!  For my info on the craziness that is this religion and other interesting tid bits, visit www.xenu.net

 

 

 
 
 

Oh how things have changed!

I recieved this in an email and after reading it laughed because it is so true. . . everything is hazardous these days, when it was harmless before. . . go figure!
 
 
 
Those Born 1930-1979--it's a wonder we're still alive!
TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get
tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors , cabinets  or electrical outlets,  and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster
seats, seat belts or air bags.
 
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
 
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
 
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with
sugar, but we weren't overweight because .
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were O.K.
 
 
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's,
no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms..........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it
would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave
(and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Books NOT to read to your children!

These are some fucked up hilarious takes of old childrens classics mad new and dirty. .. . absolutely hilarious! Just click on the pics below to get a closer look

Valentine's Day: The ugly truth

A BITTER MOUNT ROYAL STUDENT WILL BE SPENDING THIS VALENTINES DAY ALONE.  AFTER HAVING HER HEART BROKEN INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES, SARAH WOREN NO LONGER HAS A BOYFRIEND TO LOVE.  THOUGH BERNARD CALLABOT CHOCOLATES AND RED ROSES ARE HER FAVORITE VALENTINES DAY GIFTS SHE WON’T BE ENJOYING EITHER THIS YEAR.  INSTEAD, WOREN PLANS TO COZY UP ON THE COUCH WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A PACK OF CIGARETTES. UNCERTAIN OF WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR HER LOVE LIFE, WOREN SAYS THE ONLY SURE THING IN STORE FOR HER THIS VALENTINE’S DAY IS A HANGOVER.

How to get cool stuff on your space!!

After popular demand. . . here is the space to go to to find out how to add all the cool stuff to your space, including media player!  Go to this link  http://spaces.msn.com/members/d3vmax/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c=
This guy know everything about hacking your msn space!
 
Enjoy :)
 
 

I Am Meth.

Something to pass along to your friends and children. Maybe you can save
a child from this horror.

This was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug
charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As
you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she
tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail,
but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not
long after, with the needle still in her arm. Please keep praying.
This thing is worse than any of us realize...


I am meth.

I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town

I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.

In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome, try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

The Spoken Word

The Spoken word holds a certain power; 
Words of authority can drop grown men to their knees.
Words of information can plant the seed for the gift of knowledge;
where as fraudulent information cripples the mind.
The spoken word can make or break reputations, relationships and liives. 
Words of malice whispered on lips of those wiith cruel intentions can destroy foundations
that took years to build. 
The spoken word is carried in song and can reach the heart and cause the eyes to weep,
it can speak to those in need of answers and truth by providing a guiding light. 
Words spoken in contempt can stab and mame and cause a heart to wilt.
But words of love are valuable and priceless;
they can sustain a life, grow a child and make the heart blind.
The spoken word is a weapon, and should be treated with care and respect.
A wound can be healed, a frown can be turned into a smile,
but no matter what you say or how hard you try. . .
you can never take back what you've said.

Betty's Briefings #5: Calgary bar scene. . . or lack there of?

Am I the only one who can say that Calgary club life really gets me down?  Seeing as how pretty much every club sucks! 
 
I find humor in comparing most bars in calgary to boy bands. . . they start out really big ,eventually they crash & burn when everyone gets sick of them, then they disappear and in no time. . . a bigger, more expensive one takes it's place. 
 
With the exception of a handful of downtown bars  and the friendly neigborhood Warehouse, which is a safe bet to hit up if  you've got a hankering for some after hours and a whole bunch of gettin drunk in the car, this city is suffering a serious "good place to get down" dry spell! 
So on the topic of bars that suck and super clubs that fail I have to point out the silver lining in this situation and give it up for the one bar, in our deprived city, that has always proved to be "the best damn time in town" (if you're drunk enough). . . the tried & true BACK ALLEY!!!! 
 
Okay, okay, so I know what you're all thinking. . . but before you roll your eyes, just remember this happy little place and it's promise to be packed full of people - especially sexy tattooes alternative guys and trashy "don't take her home to meet your mom" kinda gals! Plus,  the bevys are cheap, and even the most unattractive people are pretty much guaranteed to leave with a ready and willing one night stand. 
 
Sure the music kinda sucks (if you're not so into rock, metal, et c. . . ) but you can dance like a freak on crack and nobody's gonna say a damn thing!  And aren't all of these things part of the recipe that makes for one very tastey night out?
 
So, next time you find yourself in the familiar category of "it's the weekend and there ain't nowhere good to go", swallow your pride, lower your standards and head on down to McLeod Tr. where the Back Alley awaits and is ready to embrace you with open arms.

The last words of a dying house plant.

The Last Words of a Dying House Plant

 

 

Here I sit every day, in the same spot, starring blankly ahead; as the sun rises and falls before me I ponder my existence. I am not capable of speaking nor am I mobile so I find myself embedded in this deprived soil which lacks nutrients.  My earth frequently dries with haste and while my roots suffer dehydration I curse the large ignorant mammal who has neglected watering my soil, yet, again.  I feel trapped in this small insufficient pot, for, my roots continue to grow like wild fire and the size of this tomb restricts them from stretching.  I can feel the color of my, once plump, vibrant emerald leaves drain into a sagging dead brown.  Being placed so hazardously close to the window, I undergo the burn of the sun the entire day and the frigid window pain tortures me through out the night.  My home is infested by many unwelcome winged invaders who ravish my soil and foliage until I am left drooping, holey and barren.  Each day I live in the shadow of a wicked feline that eats my leaves and uses me for a litter box.  I am silently waiting for death to greet me and relieve me of the cruel human and his furred creature that urinates in my soil.

Rock, paper, scissors. . . THE TRUE WINNER

Thought for the day...

I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat
scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed
to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile? Why the hell can't
paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper suffocate
students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE
PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When
I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims
to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already
clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought that paper would
protect you"

Live each day to the fullest?

Well, that's it kids, the summer show is just about done for the season. . . and all I got was this startlin realization! 
 
I spent my summer months lookin forward to vacations that have come as slow as molasses yet passed as fast as the stomache contents of a fat man taking laxitives.  While I flirt with the fact that I have definitely not lived each day to the fullest this summer, I wonder, does anyone even honor this timeless phrase anymore and do just that? 
This wise saying seems to have gone the way of the dinosaur in an era where television and video games rule the minds and time of youth.  It would appear to have been  forgotten by a work-obsessed adult population who  toil their lives away in offices and occupations to attain the money for that next get away. 
This is the sad reality. . .  it is  the norm for people  to anticipate time away from daily life and to count down to departure time. In doing this many don't realize that the  simple pleasures of days lived fully are no longer cherished but wasted and ignored. I  am curious as to how often one stops and thinks about the staggering amount of time, in a 365 day year,that one dedicates to the count down and dreaming of a place "anywhere but here". 
Being one of these individuals who has realized my personal time wasting, after much consideration, my final thought is this:  If one were to take the extra time to enjoy all of the small occurances and wonders that every day life has to offer. . . one would not live life vacation to vacation as many have taken to doing.  Life in general should be a pursuit for happiness, but why miss all the little things and hidden meanings while waiting impatiently for the stops along the way?
 
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